we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
