I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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