hotel room ftw
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
