I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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