Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
