I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
