She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
sex in a hospital.. check
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
