He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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