I will die if light touches me.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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