wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
