i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
