true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
