Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
