His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
