I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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