critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
