A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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