Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
