The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's the barista slut.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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