it's too hot outside to masturbate.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
