I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize