after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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