How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
