im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
