and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
