i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize