I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just blew my weed a kiss
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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