just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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