Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
