I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
