Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
