did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
