Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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