bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
