remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
