I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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