Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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