It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
