A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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