Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
