he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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