we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
