I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
