i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
