What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
