forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
