but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
