He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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