Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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