i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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