you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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