You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize