i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I want her autograph on my taint
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
