The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
