When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
