I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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