Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
