yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
