I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
