I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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