3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize