i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
