Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
