i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize