i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
