Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize