Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
