pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
