he shaved USA in his pubs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
