you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
